TheROCK's comments are spot on. Especially 4.

For 95% of these girls - despite what they may tell you - they are going to continue to serve their clients in the name of a nice tip. Thats why they are here. Thats why they work 12 hours a day 7 days a week. Most have a husband in China, and probably at least one child. Even the early to mid-twenties group. For many the idea of sex with multiple men was never even an inkling of an idea before they came here. If they are doing FS especially, they aren't going to stop the work sex, to make you happy, and in most cases wont even tell you or discuss it.

Here's where many men - myself included - have gone wrong. Its with the woman's ability to draw the line between work and pleasure in their own minds. To you - the idea of them kissing someone else, giving them HJ, or even in some cases FS and BJs - its unacceptable to you. They can separate the two in their head. They have no problem seeing one as work and one as pleasure - and to them it doesnt cross any negative lines. They can perform those acts on clients, and not feel its personal. Because to them its not - and they dont think they need to talk about it, or in most cases even admit it. Thats why #4 is so important. Especially when you start hearing rumors from other mongers, or see a review about her actions. Then you got a problem because you have to believe her or them.

Obviously every girl can be different - its hard to speak in broad terms that cover them all - but for the most part they are here to work and make money. And unless you're planning on marrying them, and removing the NEED for them to work (which often includes supporting families back in Asia as well), you better be prepared to share her, understanding full well that your definition of faithful, and hers may be quite different.

The hard reality is that you want to think you're special to her - and in some cases maybe you are, but in most cases you will not be. She did what she did before she met you - and she will probably continue to do so, so long as she is in that working environment. And dont forget that the competition between these girls can be fierce. All that jabbering in Mandarin you hear going on in the hall - much of that is not friendly. Many know each other from shop to shop - even if they have never worked together. And they talk... boy howdy, do they ever talk between themselves.

My own experience with this has shown one vital element that seems to help set you apart - and thats when you take the work environment out of it. Get them away from the shop and treat them like a woman who doesnt do massage (or sex) for a living. (And in our world, if the two aren't combined we probably have not returned to their MP more than once.) Be personal. Show interest in their families and lives back home in China, or wherever. Music does wonders. I play piano - and you would not believe how that rips away their protective element - when you take them to your home, light a candle or two, and play something just for them. If you dont play - find something else thats personal. They are women. They want something different than they see 12 hours a day - every day.

Their whole existence in the US is shaped and molded by 2 things: the need to make money, and the need for secrecy about what they do. They put these guards in place for a reason. Their daily lives are filled with nothing but dudes coming to them and wanting to be serviced and pleasured. You keep that relationship with her inside that realm, and your not going to get any further than any of the other dozen guys she sees every day.

And be realistic - if you're chasing one of these girls, and you're living a lie about your own personal life, i.e. other girlfriend, wife at home, etc...they will know it, and feel no shame in living one with you also.

Really it all - for me anyway - it all revolves around a few simple tenets, whether you're looking for a good hour session, or pursuing something more with them:

Treat them with respect. They aren't objects or possessions, no matter if you pay them or not. Lose that mentality that opening up your wallet somehow means they become yours, or that it grants you special privileges. Be personal and honest. Be clean. Be polite. And try to do something that sets you apart from the other 10 or 12 dicks they see in a day.

You're not likely going to "save them." Lose that mentality. In many cases they make more than you do, and they do nothing but sock it away. I have seen more than one of them decide they dont want to work for someone else - and have no problem dropping 50-100g's to procure, stock, furnish and open their own place. Making money , for them , is not hard.

If you do all this.. and still decide to pursue the relationship... go back and read Rock's 1 thru 4 again... giving considerable thought to #4 and what that means. Realize that you giving her trust, does not mean she deserves it. Seriously. Your chances of success with her are slim - at least success as defined by you.

Yeah, yeah.... y'all won't believe it until you walk the road yourself.. and all this I put out there has nothing to do with anything if you're just looking for a fun - or cheaper - sex partner - whether its inside her work or outside. Im talking about real stuff here.....

The fake stuff is easy.

Klem good points on getting past their protective guard. I have noticed when you return a few times to see one gal and start taking an interest in her the old protective guard goes up big time. I suppose they have heard every broken promise out there and have to protect themselves.

Also I would add one thing to the Rock's list and that would be, have patience!!

MrBad:
Hope you have some great memories that you will treasure forever.!!
Thanks.

Also some great comments here, TheROCK, TIME, BOSS, KLEM, etc
Guys thank you for sharing your great insight and comments.

A lot of guys think they date spa girls outside the spa if they have a few meals (I'm not talking about you guys in this thread Refering to other boards). And most think the girls are only intersted in seeing guys outside to get money out of them (and see lots of them ). But fact is they are usually wrong. Maybe some girls do that. Most don't. Guys think like that because they don't want to believe they missed out on a good thing so they convince themselves otherwise.

The girls I been involved with have been real relationships. And as klem said they make more money them most men make (in my case I am probably one of the few exceptions ) so they aren't going to start a relationship with you for money.

If you do find yourself in a relationship with a spa girl. It can work out. Long term. And yes they can and will leave the job for you if it turns real for both of you. If it's just fun keep it fun and enjoy the ride. Always treat her with respect and as a real gf.

Interesting! It seems our mileage varies. :-)
I have dated spa workers and considered it simply that, a date. I dated one, occasionally, for over a year. Is that a long-term relationship? I say "yes"; however, it was NOT a monogamous relationship. I dated other during that time and she continued to work the spa and she was a BJ/FS provider. I dated her for company, her appearance, mutual love for Asian cuisine, USA movies, and travel (day trips). Could I have fallen in love, in a traditional sense? I do not know. We didn't! We simply respected each other when present together; and, "no", there was no fees or surcharges. However, on some dates, I spent considerably more that a spa fee/tip. OH, she also enjoyed casinos and paid her own gambling expenses. The only mutual friends we had, were her co-workers. She met a few of my friends, but we seldom were around other people to develop joint relationships.

Rick

And I'm sure your path was by choice you took that where you wanted it to go. One of you didn't have a feeling not shared by the other and create a complicated problem. What I was referring to is when guys get to "hang" out with girls and think they are dating but the lDies do not. The guy becomes jaded or jealous and thinks of them as just money hungry users of men. There are some guys who have been have been hurt by misunderstanding that some girls want to be away from the spa with friends (and not so serious boyfirends) and think they are the serious Boyfriend. It's important to know the path early and if you both aren't on the same one get out early and nicely.

For me mine were /are the very serious type relationship ( sure I have had the friendly ones too still do on occasion as I have friends all over) so I understand all of it from our point of view. The hardest part for me wasn't putting the past behind but seeing her upset when someone remind her of it in public.

She had quit working and moved in with me last year and this happened earlier this year. We were at the mall waiting outside some store while her friend who had the day of from the place she used to work was inside buying some shoes. A guy (former customer) walks up sees us together but still says something like "I really enjoyed the massage you gave me at and names the spa" now he had no idea if I knew she did that before but he should have known she quit as a semi regular customer. So it was a dick thing to do. Of course she wouldn't let me say anything at that point and he walked on. When her friend came out and saw she was nearly crying she was upset too.

But this hobby has karma and wouldn't you know that sob was in the mall with his I assume wife and 2 daughters because about 15 minutes later we are in the food court and my gf is in the bathroom washing her face and I see this guy sitting with a lady and 2 lovely girls. So I asked her friend If she wants to swing by his table and with me and while i tell him how all the girls down a the spa look forward to his weekly visits and love his generous tips. We hope to see him back again real soon. Of course she was all for it. So we did. And I really couldn't tell you who was more shocked him or the woman he was with and he must not had expected to see her friend since she was in the store when he acted out before it seems like she had more dirt on him then even I knew. Later on I heard he never came back again. My gf to this day doesn't know we did this. Now normally I wouldn't call another monger out or even advocate it. But if you see a girl you know from the hobby out with someone don't acknowledge you know them unless they do 1st and they always say how you met not you.

Wow this turned into one long rant. Sorry about that

Ten years ago, my date and ATF of around six months told me that she is not going to change what she is doing and she wanted me to know clearly. I was looking to take our relationship to another level.

I didn't see her again after that until 8 years later I ran into her at a AMP and she was correct, she was still a working girl.

I've been lucky that the girls I have had interest in haven't been in love with the money just working enough to achieve a goal of improving their life situation. Whether it was for their personal goals or for family (past relationships). They were not planning on doing it long term just a few years (in the the most recent case only 1 year). Once they built their nest eggs they went back home to their family. I don't know what happens to some. I think they lose the connection to someone back home they were working for maybe parents pass (if they weren't married ) or husband dies or cheats or runs off. Then they don't seem to cycle out. It seems lonely to me.

You'll know when they are seriously into you [in a "Wedding Crashers" STAGE 5 CLINGER! sorta way ] when they...

1. Ask if your vasectomy can be reversed "so we can make a baby together! Okay, Babe?!"
2. Say, "I LOVE you! Do you love me!?"
3. You get a text [this was last week] saying, "We need to move in to start living together as soon as possible. I am lonely."
4. They give you a house key and you go water their damn plants while they're on a trip.
5. They leave stacks of 50's & 100's and their passport/documents with you for safekeeping.
6. They ask you to go on vacation with them to their home country to meet their family.
7. They ask to go away together to Hawaii, vacation, etc. and offer to pay for the trip.


BOTTOM LINE: It gets messy sometimes, in my experience, guys. Many guys have told me they wish they could date these ladies. Hah. It's got its benefits, but it also can get pretty involved and often more than you're bargaining for. Enjoy the ride, but keep your eyes wide open about what you're getting into, that's what I've learned on my own over the years.

Dating these ladies is like fishing. You should be doing it because you enjoy it not because you are trying to catch something.

I really enjoyed reading all the posts and getting the advice.thanks guys. For me this was a one time deal. I never thought that anything would ever come of a relationship with someone from a massage parlor. I was wrong. Someone asked if I could do it again would I? the answer is yes in a minute. It was a very honest relationship and she was bright and funny. She was much younger than I but I learned a lot from her. I will consider her my friend forever and I am a bit surprised she still calls and asks me advice all the time. She also invited me to visit her sometime so who knows. She has already gotten a job that is not in the massage business. It will be interesting to see if she can remain happy making half of what she used to make.

Sorry to hear it didnt last mrbad.
The important thing is that you enjoyed it. I'm sure you'll have another one, not necessarily with a spa ladies.

Me too, enjoyed reading everyone's thoughts and experiences.